___

Rain carries an immediate sensation of ambient cold

Raindrops trumpet in my mind; creating a symphony, an orchestra of line and colour

Tentacular bursts of light; illuminated bloops and bleeps

Tapping at the window’s surface, fountains down its sides

Tap, Tap, Tap, , ,   , there is a cadence; playful, bounce, erratic 

O, sacred sound of flowing water, tears well and flow from my eyes

The path created by the flow of tears, is like rain drifting down a rocky path

Guided by gravity

Water follows, a line downstream, so do tears, down the landscape of my cheeks, my lips, the summit of my nose, my hilly nose

Amidst the sound, I saw your face, felt your embrace, warm lew that bathes me, in an orange glow

O, how the rain makes this body dance, makes a bladder bellow and blue

 

This delightful tapping brings back to me, pure childhood innocence

Moments we’ve all played in rain, we’ve all sat in silence, waiting, watching, as storms past

In listening to rain we are experiencing time, it is the sensation of the present 

 

I know no image nor form of capture, that can hold down the beauty of this lived present

 

In its uncapturability we feel the utter beauty and horror of its passing, a passing we know, of this very moment which shall never be again; this beautiful present

 

There exists a silence inside the sound of rain; the silence that is us all, (quiet), listening

 

No animal speaks during rain, we all huddle to listen, wait, awe at the playful joy of its song

 

There exists a silence after the rain, when streets are empty, and we have all settled under warm covers; it is a warm silence, a silence of relief 

This silence which does not exist, for the listening apparatus is us, and we are full of sound; we may dive infinitely into the sound of silence, the sound of our imagination, the sound of our dreams

___

where do you exist in my thoughts?

you are no where, yet your shadow lingers

must a shadow not have a medium?

a body not have its double?

 

from the ventricle core

arteries pulse, blood rushes

you appeared from the void

emerging through dark mists

i feel

a sprouting, a creeping

my simmering blood washes and wanes, 

i am gripped by an unshakable fever

this familial fever which unsettles me

keeps me porous

in suspense

 

we are dancing in a field, a field of pulsating energy

i am in terror, as this hard ground quakes

a cosmic geometry emerges

 

i close my intellectual eyes, allowing the unformulated to speak within me

i am in waiting 

for your visitation, your possession, 

i surrender to it

 

your sonorous bolts puncture me

lightning can indeed strike twice

strike at me, again, for I am defenceless

to your noxious toxins 

 

the lyricism of your flesh, your twlight presence

the swirl of your fine hair

the warm dripping down the arc of your spine

those sonic eyes, those electric pulses

that tender heart

 

your soft fingers ransack my brain’s grey matter

each drape of your lips, makes me two minds

i feel a sensual line across the fold of my eyes and brows

 

ticks and spins expressing the throws and tremors of my soul

tremble, tremble, tremble

press your fingers against the crevasses of my body

hold me down strictly

while these desire escape my shell of a body

they shoot outward like piercing arrows

neither happiness nor sorrow; but a surge, an entanglement of desire

oh, how fast these desires flow

i cannot resist to reach out to feel your glowing skin

play these fingers on the landscape of your mind

 

i move to expel my intoxications

___

In this instant, the laced veil lifted

In this moment life shrank, fields of joy rotted

As fantasies shattered

Gradients of the sky turn grey

My chest turns into impervious stone

Coldness builds in my heart, a granite wall chokes the flow of my passions

I cannot release these tendrils of love, they have been clipped, burned at their ends

 

All things lose their tender hold

Tears fall, and they fall, and they fall

Warm breath shivers

My spirit shrivels like a flower

I see now, you were my desires reflected, and so I am bound to your gift and torment

Another, Another, Another

 

Another one fades slowly, from my spirits

Another drifts

Another call of your name

Another goodbye

Another separation

Another splitting of my soul

Taken by force

Another fire dies

Another tree dries

Sap hanging on

Another ground rots

Another heart chokes

Another floats, floats, floats, floats, away

Another sinks to the bottom

Another cell walls

Another tear falls

Another dream crawls

Another dream dies

Another heart wails

Another flower wilts

The season was as long as flowers bloomed

Another life aches

Another poem writes

___

Daddy was a dirty lover

Daddy hated me from the start, said I was a cursed child

Second born son is bad luck he said, fuck off he said

Daddy left his family to fuck someone else

Told me I shouldn’t wear a skirt, not to keep my hair out, not to wear heels, only girls do that he said

All you could ask me was ‘why’, ‘why’ can’t you be like everyone else, why are you such a faggot, a queer bitch

I sense your violent eyes, I see how you look at me

You would have me brutalised and raped on the street by fist and asphalt, so you could say, ‘I told you so’, ‘told you not to be different’. 

The world must learn, I will not change for you

Daddy was a dirty lover

I am a dirty lover

I am your enemy, and I will dance

I will dance for you, I will dance for you

 

I will dance on your grave, just as I will dance on mine

___